The question of deployment

[Amsdell]

Greetings all. 

I have posted my personal story about getting sworn in a year ago and after re-reading it, I would like to update and share some more (that sounds cheesy). 

I've been in the reserves for a year now and although there are challenges and ups and downs, I love it.  I knew I would not regret the decision to join although early on I had doubts.  But these were the kind of doubts you get after making a life-altering move -- ones based on fear of the unknown.  I'm over them now and have moved on.

As time goes on, however, my priorities changed.  When I joined I did not know what I wanted.  I knew I wanted to be in the forces, that something inside me compelled me to be in the forces, and that it felt right.  It still feels right, only now it feels right on a different level: I'd like to do more.  Instead of sitting on my behind at home after a class A day, I'd like to train up to standards and deploy.  Big move, usual challenges, right? 

Wrong.  I am Russian by birth and my uncle was killed in Afghanistan the same year I was born.  I put my family first and respect my parents.  Lately, however, keeping their priorities and mine in mind to an equal degree is a challenge.  My family hates the military -- my mother because of my uncle and my father, an ex-Sergeant in the Russian army, for his own reasons.  They love and support the troops to the fullest but see no hope for the Afghanistan mission and no reason for Canadian blood to be shed in any country except Canada.  Should I sign up for deployment (it would be 2009, if still possible, due to my training) I will be hurting my parents, giving them undue stress (my father has a heart condition, which could be made worse), and, should my stay overseas be extended forever, deprive them of the only family member they have who will look after them in old age.  My husband, as well, is against any idea of deployment, mainly due to the length of time I'd be away.  I'm torn.  I realized I don't have to decide on anything immediately, but I will have to decide soon (a year slips by as if a day when you look back). 

Wow, this has been quite the rant.  I am wondering if anyone else here has been in a similar situation. 

 

[Keebler]

You should do whats in your heart and not worry about the others.

 

[Yrys]

Her/his family is also in her/his heart ...

 

[RHFC_piper]

Consider this... and this may be good advice for anyone considering deployment;

What you leave behind here will effect what you do over there.  If you are constantly worrying about what's going on at home while you are on deployment, you won't be focussed on your job over there, which, in that environment, could prove deadly... and not just to you.

How fair is it to those who's life depends on your vigilance if your head isn't in the game?

Some advice from a fellow reservist, and as someone who has deployed;  Your family will be a source of strength before you deploy, and a resource for readjustment when you return.
Before you go, your bond with your family will have to be strong for both / all of you to cope. Deployment, for reservists, are hard on families because it's something we and they don't face often, and they will have very few people to relate to, as your unit will only deploy a few members as apposed to a full unit deployment.
When you come home, you will be somewhat away from other's you deployed with, and it will be hard for you to relate to others, both in the civilian world and at your home unit.  You will have to draw strength from your family and they will do the same with you.
Just keep that in mind.

A tour is an opportunity of a life time, especially for a reservist.  But, all your personal affairs had better be in order before deploying.
And keep in mind, not everything goes as planned over there...  You may not come back the same person, or to the same circumstances you left.
Life goes on at home while you're over there, and your life will be going on in a completely different direction.

It's not an easy choice, and no one else but you can make this decision. Don't make it lightly.

 

[Amsdell]

How fair is it to those who's life depends on your vigilance if your head isn't in the game?

As cold-hearted as it sounds, I don't think about my family, my friends, my cat, etc when I'm at work.  Be it at my civilian job, during training or at a parade night.  I am 100% switched on.

I appreciate your honesty in your reply.  Your advise is something I will take to heart. 

 

[Meridian]

As cold-hearted as it sounds, I don't think about my family, my friends, my cat, etc when I'm at work.  Be it at my civilian job, during training or at a parade night.  I am 100% switched on.

I appreciate your honesty in your reply.  Your advise is something I will take to heart. 

Fair enough, though I've heard a few argue that being a CF Member, and particularly deploying as one, is more than just a regular job. Not necessarily related to being 100% switched on...  I agree with the notion of professional distance, but distance doesn't mean ignorance, does it?

 

[Amsdell]

I agree with the notion of professional distance, but distance doesn't mean ignorance, does it?

I'm not sure what you mean by that.  Ignorance as in not wishing to know what's going on back home or ignorance of something else? 

 

[RHFC_piper]

As cold-hearted as it sounds, I don't think about my family, my friends, my cat, etc when I'm at work.  Be it at my civilian job, during training or at a parade night.  I am 100% switched on.

I appreciate your honesty in your reply.  Your advise is something I will take to heart. 

You also have to realize that there is a huge difference between 3 hours on a training night, or 9 to 5 on a work day, and 6 months in Afghanistan.  There isn't a whole lot of "switch off" time. You have to be focused all the time (even when you hit the ground for some shut eye...)
It's actually quite the opposite of here, especially if you're attached to a battlegroup. You might get 3 hours a week of time where you can safely relax, even at FOBs.
If you're in KAF it's a little different, but in the field you have to be focused all the time... It's hard, and it gets harder when you know something is wrong at home.

Also, you have to consider that your civilian job isn't hundreds of miles away from your family, in the middle of a war zone.  You don't face mortal danger when you go to training or work.  When you're face with your mortality you might start thinking about something you haven't reconciled at home, or you might just start thinking of your cat, or parents or whom ever.  Everything changes when you first get shot at.

I'm not trying to discourage you in any way. In fact, I think every reservist should harbour ambition to deploy; why else would you join the military.  The point I'm trying to make is; Consider every aspect.  Where you'd be deploying to isn't a training ex, or a video game. Your mistakes leave the battlefiled on a stretcher or a bag, weather its you or someone else. And when you have to deal with that, as well as problems at home, your focus won't be on your job.
Nothing you've ever experienced here, at work, in training with the MO is anything like what you'll have to deal with over there.

Anyway, I'm starting to rant again... I have a bad habit of doing that. Sorry.  But like I said before; It's YOUR decision, don't make it lightly.

Cheers. :cheer:

 

[Amsdell]

RHFC_piper,

Yeah, I see what you're saying.  I'm not taking any of this lightly and am taking everything you've said to heart (as I said already), so you know.  It's good advise. 

I don't know how I'll take 6 months.  I guess no one knows until they do it.  Here, I don't work 9-5.  I work anywhere from 60 to 80+ hours a week on two jobs -- a security job and a personal business, plus I go to school fulltime.  It's a messed-up schedule.  I don't think I'd have issue with long days as I'm used to 12h shifts at best.  But I have no right to talk now, before actually having something to back up my words.   

I don't think about my family non-stop, just on average as most people.  That's not the issue.  The issue is that I'm responsible to them and for them.  What tears me up is that I have this responsibility, financially and as part of their lives, and can't always do what I want for myself.  I'm hoping to hear some replies about how people conveyed to their families that they intend to sign up for deployment, especially if they're in the position of the breadwinner.  When I first told my parents I joined the reserves they acted as if I'd gotten arrested for murder.  My spouse was proud of me but the issue of deployment, when I bring it up, is a difficult one.   
 

 

[RHFC_piper]

I'm hoping to hear some replies about how people conveyed to their families that they intend to sign up for deployment, especially if they're in the position of the breadwinner. 

I just signed up.  Didn't ask... didn't tell... just threw my name in the pot.  Didn't even take it seriously until I was on my way up to Petawawa.  Not the best way to do it.

My wife (at that time, fiancee), and my parents had pretty much the same reaction as you figure your folks would have... 'cause they didn't know anything about Afghanistan except that people were dying over there.  You have to keep in mind, the average civilian believes that you go in on a training night, sign some papers and hop on a plane headed for the 'Stan.  They don't understand that you will most likely be doing pre-deployment training for up to 2 years (if they keep going with this "streamed" system), or at least 6 months.  This means there's lots of time for your parents to acclimate to your decision.  Also... Because, most likely, your training will be conducted away from home, they will also get used to you not being around. And it's not like you won't be getting paid.

Here's the ultimate down side to going on tour as a reservist; You never know your absolute position on the tour until you get to whatever unit you're working with for pre-deployment training... then, there's no promises that you'll even deploy... lots happens in 6 months.  example; members from my unit who are deploying in TF3-08 have gone from battlegroup, to NSE, back to battlegroup... then from deploying company to %10 pool and back again... they're entire tour is currently up in the air as they may be part of the back fill.  They've been with their deploying unit for roughly 3 months of a 2 year contract.
But like I said; the upside to all of this is that it gives you time.

My advice, after doing it the wrong way, is discuss it with your family. Give them information.  This site is chalked full of useful info and insight from those who have been there, as well as links to Official information about tours.  Just search around.  Then pass all this info on to your family.  The more they know, the more they will understand, and maybe they'll accept it a little better.
There's lot of resources out there for both you and your family.

Sorry to keep harping on stuff... Just want to help as much as I can.  I was a little ill-prepared for my tour, and my folks didn't get all the information until I was already over there.  And it was only when the poop hit the fan that I considered what I could/should have done to make it easier on my family.  But, hind sight is 20/20.

 

[Amsdell]

I took a few days to go talk to my parents and start the "adjustment" process ...  They're getting used to the idea of deployment (as much as a few days can accomplish) but not Afghanistan. 

I'm taking your advise an gathering information to provide them with to ease the stress.  Long journey ahead. 

I'm surprised no one else is replying. 

 

[RHFC_piper]

I took a few days to go talk to my parents and start the "adjustment" process ...  They're getting used to the idea of deployment (as much as a few days can accomplish) but not Afghanistan. 

Glad to hear... It'll take time, but it'll be worth while for all of you.

I'm taking your advise an gathering information to provide them with to ease the stress.  Long journey ahead. 

Glad I could help.  Keep the course and I'm sure you're deployment will go well.

I'm surprised no one else is replying. 

Me too... how odd.  I'm sure there are a few other reservists here who have deployed and have delt with the same issues.