GF is harrasing me to ask this: How often can we contact family during BMQ?

[dearryan]

Paracowboy,


If the CF said, " there will be NO contact with friends family over the coarse of your 11 weeks of basic training".....Fine, a recruit would consider those circumstances and adjust accordingly. Or not, and not get on the bus. However thats not the case....because that would be ridiculous. I can see how it would seriously piss off a instructor if when little Johnny/Jenny calls home every night someone is on the other end convicing them to come home because they miss them.The psychological affect of that cant be good for a new recruit, however its a two way street. People just want to know whats in store for them. Wouldn't it be better for a recruit to square away their mommy/Girlfriend issues in the first period of training as apposed to the day before deployment. The guy that asked this question got probably more than he ever wanted....George Wallace's post was more appropriate in my opinion.



"Yes you can call home.  Don't abuse the right. "

 

[BDTyre]

nightly phone calls, e-mail, no friggin' wonder the troops are weak.

I'm sure my twisted mind is receiving this wrong, but it brings to mind images of "Band of Brothers..."

"200 prophylactics?  How does this man expect to have the energy to fight?!"

 

[Tracker]

Using the phone should be looked at as a privilege, not a right.  If you haven't earned the free time to get to a phone, tough $41T.  When I went through Cornwallis, we had pay phones in our shacks, every night the same guys were lined up to use them because they were homesick.  They were too busy to work on their kit and quarters and eventually they all left. 

If you are serious about a career in the CF, you should condition your loved ones for sporadic and unreliable communication. 

If you are a Pilot, you are going always to have a phone in your hotel room when you are away.  If you are a Cbt Arms Soldier, you may go weeks in the field/deployment before you get a chance to call home.

When you get a chance to call/email home, be careful what you say, if you are feeling negative or down, you can pass the same feeling to those at home and cause them a higher level of anxiety. 

Don't ever set a date/time that you will call home.  You can never predict what will happen and if you can't get to a phone, someone at home will think that the worst has happened.

Mission before self.

 

[Bograt]

I recall two separate experiences. First, while on IAP a cadet's wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. They have two small children. He called home everynight.

In my circumstance, my wife and I were expecting. She was home alone, with a two year old. I called home once during the week, an on the weekend. After my son was born, I called more often.

I do remember asking my DS after Grizzly if I could call home to check on the family. I was accommodated.

Did calling home make me weak, or less capable? I'm confident that my peers and my DS would articulate the contrary.

However, I do recall  a bag of hammers requesting the same after learning I received permission to call home. His reason was that it was his four month anniversary with his girlfriend. Needless to say he denied.

 

[putz]

well here is what happened on my BMQ.  You have payphones in the elevator area of your floor 2 on each side if I remember correctly.  You cna use these at anytime.  Most of the time you will be too busy to call home for long periods of time.  My fiancee and I had days were we wouldn't talk at all and sometimes we would only talk for 5 minutes.  On the flip side a couple of people called home everynight and spent most of their time on the phone....... then they wondered why they were being called blades and didn't have enough time to do anything...... just remember this....

 

[Shadow Cat]

Calling home everyday does not guarantee that you you flake out or be a "blade" like someone else said. 

My DH called everyday and sometimes they were only 30 second phone calls to say good night I love you and I am thinking of you.  He managed to not only successfully graduate but he also got the Most Approved Award and the Comradship Award on graduation.  It is all about balance.  Get your station jobs done, get yourself ready for inspection and if at the end you have five minutes to spare than you can use that five minutes to call home.  If you dont have five minuted but you can say good night I love you there is nothing wrong with that.  It doesnt make you weak or less capable to perform your duties.  Priorities is all that it takes.  You job is your first priority while there and family is second. 

 

[kimmie]

Yes you can call home.  Don't abuse the right

I think this is one of the most profound things said in this thread.

And I totally agree with Shadow Cat in what she said. You can call home but do use it wisely. If one or two people ruin it on a course, then it is ruined for the whole course. And you guys are incredibly smart...you know you girlfriends, wives, significant others...be honest with them and it will get you far. You know if they are angry ranters or nicey nice girls when you talk to them. Gauge the conversation and if every one you have is turning into a battle of words, maybe you want to scale back your phone calls. If they are great support and joys to talk to then call home whenever you can for that support. It's a delicate balance of keeping up with responsibilities in training and keeping the homefront taken care of too. You yourself have to find that balance, no one person can do it for you.
As a spouse of a member I know sometimes I don't have a phone call for 5 or 6 days at a time, but that is the nature of his job. He has been honest with me about this from the beginning and so I have now come to deal with it.

Your families/significant others miss you horribly and worry about you but there are fantastic support networks out there for them. Help/encourage them to take advantage of them. They will evolve and adapt and get through the days without completely falling apart(for the most part ) . But remember, you are always needed at home, and please call as often as you can.

 

[Trinity]

GF is harassing me to ask this: How often can we contact family?

As little as you want!    ;D

 

[meanjoe]

Well people I agree that people should get time to talked to loved ones but at the same time it should be limited. When we are away for long periods of time, sometimes I see the meanest looking soldier cry just because he is reminded of his children as he just finished talking to them on the phone. Once a week should be plenty you should be doing your job not thinking of how much you miss your family. I am married and have three children and I have been away 1 yr out of the last two of my youngest daughters life. Its hard but what I do is write a journal and send letters all the time. It helps when you are away for months at a time to write it down. Also sometimes just the sound of their voices can be enough to set you off. But being in a trench for 6 hours with maybe 2-3 hours sleep in the last 3-4 days, and pulling out a letter and reading it helps me feel better.
I agree it should be limited to the amount of time for calls and such, I mean its basic and what is it now like 11 weeks. man if you cant handle 11 weeks your in trouble. My QL3 and QL5 were over 5 months away with no visiting and I talked maybe once a week, but wrote often. You have to remember it hurts the person on the other end of the phone to hang up too. So do you time, you'll get enough time at home when your in garrison. Just like a 9-5 job, but when you deploy on EX or tour, its time to do your duty........you signed up....so suck it up!

Cpl 1 RCHA

 

[NiTz]

very well said meanjoe.. you really impress me!

We had a guy that called his girlfriend EVERY f****** day in BMQ and he was talking for hours with her and he was always crying like a baby. We hated him because of that. We could'nt rely on him because he was always on the phone, sitting on his bed doing nothing but crying. Man that's only 11 weeks! (btw, it's 13 weeks now). I called my familiy every  day, just to tell them everything was fine but I talked like 5 minutes before I got to bed because I had things to do! The same guy that called his girlfriend every day  just got a week off duty and a PMQ for his girlfriend during his trade course because he complained so much to his superiors and wrote so much memos that they took pity of him because he was missing her. I can't believe that the CF tolerates so much emotionnal weakness. I mean, why did you sign up if you can't stand to be away from your girlfriend for 5 consecutives days without crying? It's BMQ! It's temporary!  I don't say that we shoudn't call our families, we must keep contact with our beloved ones and we need them, but we have a job to do!

To get back to the thread, and before I get mad again at this guy , yes you can bring a cell phone if you want and call as much as you want.

good luck in your career!


CHeers!

Nitz

 

[Shadow Cat]

Very well said but your comment about it only being a few weeks is not always the case.  Curently been seperated for sic months and three weeks.  Looking at another 8 months best case scenerio.  Supposedly DH is supposed to be deployed afterwards and if that is the case than we are looking at another 14 months of sep.  If we could get a PMQ we would do to the time of the seperation but so far that hasnt been easy.

 

[dearryan]

Very well said but your comment about it only being a few weeks is not always the case.  Curently been seperated for sic months and three weeks.  Looking at another 8 months best case scenerio.  Supposedly DH is supposed to be deployed afterwards and if that is the case than we are looking at another 14 months of sep.  If we could get a PMQ we would do to the time of the seperation but so far that hasnt been easy.

thats definently a while. Sounds like your pretty tough as it is....good luck.

 

[NiTz]

Yeah youre tough.. much tougher than me!

Good lucK!

 

[Shadow Cat]

It has nothign to do with being tough.  We really have no choice.  It is what we have to do. 

I have to be honest we are trying to get the military to give us a posting message taht states that we can move ourselves and if that happens than the Uhual is already booked and I am on my way to be together again as a family.  We will have to wait and see though.  The Base has already lost our request three times. 

 

[NiTz]

The Base has already lost our request three times.    

What an unusual thing! Its the first time I hear about lost documents in the CF... how can it happend?  :

They lost 3 of my memos, my security clearance sheet twice and my personnal emergency notification...

Thats a good thing you gotta see your family soon.. I wish you the best of luck!

Cheers!

Nitz

 

[George Wallace]

Kingston lost my Needle Book three times in two years.  :

OUCH!

 

[NiTz]

Kingston lost my Needle Book three times in two years.   :

OUCH!

Ouch... did you need to be vaccinated for ALL of the diseases each time? They once told us that they didn't want to take any chance so they'd better give us the same vaccine twice instead of never...

Cheers!

Nitz 

 

[George Wallace]

Actually, if the Medics are on the ball, they have all your shots recorded on the Jacket of your med file.  If they are on the ball, it will be up to date. 

 

[dk]

Off topic, but does the CF have a deal with any cell companies?
NOT for BMQ! I'm thinking for after.

EDIT - ADD :

Should have used 

  but not available while reading forum on WAP phone while at work.

Found  http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/20836.0/all.html
A little old, but should still apply.

 

[NavComm]

OK I wasn't going to ask this, but I can't figure out for the life of me what "DH" is? Domestic husband? Deployed Half? I see it in several posts and I have no clue what it is an acronym for. Can someone please enlighten me?

Sorry for the hijack.