I've got a dying parent and don't know what to do

[seanthorne]

Hi guys, this is my first post here and it's unfortunate that it's under these circumstances.

I'm a reservist and I was just enrolled in February, I'm registered for a summer BMQ in May and I've been super excited to start my training.

Yesterday, though, I got a phone call that my dad was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and has weeks to live. I'm a university student in BC and am just figuring out all my logistical questions with deferring my final exams to go home sooner but being new to the army reserve it's a little less straightforward.

I obviously want to be home for the last few days/weeks, but being registered for BMQ and having a number of parade nights left before the end of the training year I'm not sure what to do. I was only told who my Detachment Commander was literally last week and I want to be as little of a pain in the *** as possible trying to go home to Ontario early and change the BMQ I'm registered for.

Basically, I'm just wondering what's the proper way to ask to be taken off the registration for BMQ and to be allowed to miss the last few parade nights while still being relatively professional about it. Do I go through my DC or someone else? And how do I still make it clear that the army reserve is still something I'm fully committed to and that I have the fullest intentions of picking up the next part-time BMQ when the next school year rolls around? I want to be fully aware of exactly what I have to do from here to be as non-disruptive as possible for everyone else.

Sorry if some of this is obvious or if this has been answered before, but all of this, both the army and all of this with my dad, are new to me.

Thanks guys, any information is something I'd really appreciate.

 

[Fishbone Jones]

Engage your Chain of Command. That is what they are there for. You can't do this alone. Start with going to your section commander and ask to speak to your course or troop officer. You can either forewarn them and tell them why or you can say it's a private matter for the officer. Once the officer is engaged, they should take it to the proper people and look for resolutions.


You obviously have a strong bond with your father, don't worry about missing course. There's always another coming right behind.

Best wishes for your dad.

 

[BeyondTheNow]

I’m sorry to hear about your father. (My father-in-law was rushed to the hospital recently with multiple organ-failure out of the blue and things have been rather stressful and uncertain. I’m thinking of you and your family.)

This is a very legitimate reason for needing to defer and there shouldn’t be any negative repercussions. Your CoC will work with you, but also remember to keep them informed as things progress positively or negatively as much as possible. Parading will be able to go on the back-burner as well, and you won’t be marked as NES.

 

[Jarnhamar]

[quote author=Sean Thorne] I'm not sure what to do. I was only told who my Detachment Commander was literally last week and I want to be as little of a pain in the *** as possible trying to go home to Ontario early and change the BMQ I'm registered for.
[/quote]

The time you have left with your dad is priceless and nothing you can do in the next 20 years in the army will ever make up for those days.

Go home as fast as you can. The army will be there for you when you're ready to come back, and if they're not then they're not worth your time and loyalty. Absolutely forget about worrying whether you're inconviencing anyone.

 

[RocketRichard]

The time you have left with your dad is priceless and nothing you can do in the next 20 years in the army will ever make up for those days.

Go home as fast as you can. The army will be there for you when you're ready to come back, and if they're not then they're not worth your time and loyalty. Absolutely forget about worrying whether you're inconviencing anyone.

Great advice. And you won’t be inconveniencing anyone worth their salt. Go to be with your your dad and family. Godspeed.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[brihard]

The time you have left with your dad is priceless and nothing you can do in the next 20 years in the army will ever make up for those days.

Go home as fast as you can. The army will be there for you when you're ready to come back, and if they're not then they're not worth your time and loyalty. Absolutely forget about worrying whether you're inconviencing anyone.

Best advice you'll possibly see.

To your reserve unit you are, at this point, nothing more than a nearly-anonymous line on a spreadsheet. Nobody yet knows who you are not particularly cares; nobody is emotionally invested in people who are yet to be trained. If you have to defer, nobody will be the least bit bothered, and the reason in this case is as sound as it gets. You will need to formally request it just so that you don't become unaccounted for and deemed non-effective, but that will be a very simple matter. Just talk to whoever is identified as your supervisor as described above.

Spend the time with your dad, and good luck with everything. The reserves will still be there when you get back.